The Joy Of YOU

My Dearest Isabella, 

It has been nearly a year since my last letter. For that, I am sorry. My attention has been spent playing with you, making memories, and trying to give you a sister if brother (that as gotten nowhere). But all of that is not a good enough excuse to have not written you a letter. These letters are my heart's way of telling you the things you are too little to fully understand. 

You are the joy of my life and your Daddy's life. It has been the best adventure of my life watching you grow, learn, explore. Your intelligence amazes me! You say the funniest things and remember so much about what we teach you and tell you. You take yourself on adventures around the house and in the little field across from the house. You taught yourself how to hang from a tree branch and you are trying to climb trees. I love to watch you and the pride you take in all you do. 

The thing I love the most are your hugs and cuddles. You are my little cuddle bug. I never dreamed that your cuddles could be so magical. But they are! There is something so magical about being your mom. It is like living in a fairy tale. You give my boo boos kisses to make them all better. You hold my hand when you think I'm sad. You gently pat my head when I have a headache. There is nothing sweeter than your love and nurturing. Your hugs make even the worst of days seem better, brighter, happier. These hugs are priceless! 

Now, you are quickly approaching your third birthday. We had hoped to be able to tell you that you were going to be a big sister, but sometimes, God has other plans for our lives. God must have something special in mind for all of us because right now, it is just you. And my heart is okay with that right now. I am so filled with love for you and joy in you. The past three years have given your Daddy and me more smiles, laughs, and tears than ever imagined. The joy you have brought to our lives is indescribable. I do the best I can with these letters, but only when you are a mother some day will you ever fully understand. 

For now, my dearest little love, I shall wrap up this letter with a not-quite-so-simple "Thank You." Thank you for giving me the best three years I could ever ask for. Thank you for always giving me cuddles and hugs and making sure I know that you love me. Thank you for making me feel like the mom who makes your world beautiful. Thank you for making me feel beautiful when you see me looking in the mirror and you tell me how pretty I am. Thank you for teaching me how to live life with cautious adventure, how to explore new things, how to enjoy the little things like picking blackberries and eating them straight from the bush. Thank you for allowing me to make mistakes and learn as I go. I'm not perfect as a mom, but you let me make mistakes and tell you I am sorry when I do. Thank you for just being you. I always wanted to be a mom and I dreamed of having a daughter. But I never imagined it could or would be this amazing. So thank you for being the joy of my life. I love so you very much. Like I say every night, I love you to the moon and back. 

Love,

Mom

My Little Girl

Dear Isabella,

It has been a long time since my last letter to you. For that I am sorry. Time seems to slip away so quickly. You keep me so busy, too, and that leaves me no time to write you a sweet little letter. But you are so peacefully napping and that gives me time to sneak a little note in for you.

Where do I begin? I can hardly believe that you are already two years old. Time has gone by so quickly. Yesterday, Daddy and I went back to Dr. V. He is the doctor we call Dr. Miracles. Without his gentle spirit and wisdom, we would not have you. We are forever thankful for his willingness to help us. You were able to meet him for the first time in your little life. There is nothing like the moment when your child meets the doctor who is responsible for their existence. It melted me heart to know that you two could meet.

Of course, Isabella, we weren't there just so you could meet. We were there because we decided, along with God's help, that it is time to give you a little brother or sister. And since Mommy can't seem to do things on her own, we needed the help from Dr. Miracles. So, we are planning on giving you a sibling next summer. Hopefully, this is God's plan for you, as well, but we will see.

My child, I want so much for you to have someone to play with, spend time with, laugh with, and grow up with. Your Aunt Dee Dee and your Aunt Olivia know the importance of having someone to share life with. As an adult, your sister or brother is so important. You share so much with them. You can cry with them, laugh with them, shop with them, and just be there for them. It's a relationship nobody chooses for themselves, but it is chosen for us. And we are all the better for having that relationship. I want nothing more than for you to have that relationship. Hopefully, we can give you that soon enough.

In the meantime, I am loving all the time I spend with you. I get to watch you grow, laugh, play, explore, and discover.  You are so active and such a quick learner. You continue to bless me with all that you are and all that you do. I love you so very much!!

I promise to write more frequently even if the letters aren't very long. I love you so very much!

Love, 
Mom

My Brave Little Girl

**This letter is actually from April 27, but I am just getting to finish it now.

Dear Isabella,

Words cannot say how proud I am of you today. You are such a brave big girl. Today, we spent the morning over in Philadelphia at CHOP. Yes, today was YOUR big day. Your ears will never be the same! You've been a super girl all day long. This Mommy is beyond proud of your bravery and strength. 

Last night, I did my best to keep you up past your bedtime so that you could eat an extra snack or two, drink juice to your heart's delight, and wait for Grandma to arrive. You were so excited to see Grandma when she got here. You sure did make her feel welcome and loved. That was such a nice welcome for her after her long drive up here for you. She was excited to see you, too. You made her smile from ear to ear with your excited welcome. You did stay up an hour and a half past bedtime. But it was so worth it to see Grandma (Daddy's Mommy) reading you a bedtime story and sharing beautiful and tender moments with you before bedtime. Mommy needed a break last night. My emotions were already getting the best of me, as I was nervous about today's procedure. But, as always, I cuddled with you, prayed with you, rocked you to sleep, and tucked you in.

We got you up VERY early this morning to head on over to Philly. You were such a well-behaved little girl. Although you had nothing to eat or drink since last night, you didn't fuss or get grumpy about it. You didn't fuss when Mommy and Daddy changed you into your hospital shirt, pants, and socks. You were so good. You took all your medicine like a brave little girl. You, sadly, are so used to taking medicine in a syringe that when Nurse Lauren came in with your Giggle Juice, you opened right up, ready for it. And you swallowed it all down like a big girl. She was certainly impressed with your behavior. She also kept commenting on how beautiful you are.Those words sure do make this Mama proud to say you are mine, my beautiful daughter. 


Daddy and I did a great job of being brave for you. There was no sense in showing our emotions and getting you upset before your big procedure. That would have made it all a lot more difficult. We held you in the preop room and watched some Mickey Mouse on the television. You were pretty distracted with the toys that the Nurse Assistant brought in for you. Distractions were great because they kept you from thinking about how hungry or thirsty you were. The doctor who would be operating came in to see you and talk to us. He told us how short the procedure would be and how you would be so much better once the tubes were in your ears. I still held it together, though I could feel my eyes ready to well up with tears. But when the anesthesiologist came in and talked to us, the reality of leaving you in their hands set in. I still held in my tears, though! I needed you to be brave, so I needed to be brave for you.

I did great holding my emotions together. That is, until they came to take you back to the Operating Room. I chose to not carry you, even though you stubbornly displayed your desire for Mommy to hold you, love on you, and carry you. Thankfully, the Giggle Juice was already in effect and although you cried a little when Nurse Lauren carried you around the corner away from Mommy, you willingly let her carry you without kicking and screaming. When she passed you off around the corner to the OR staff, I could no longer contain my emotions. Yes, Mommy cried. It was the hardest thing I have had to do for you. I had to let you go, knowing that I could not be there to hold your hand. I knew you would be brave, I also knew that you were braver than I was. Your Daddy was great with me and so was Grandma. They hugged me and reassured me that everything would be great. 


After only ten minutes, Dr. H cam in to talk to us and tell us how great everything went. I was so relieved! It was music to my ears to know that everything went well, everything was done already, and you were already out of the anesthesia. We were told we could go back and see you and that just made me so happy. When we got back to your post-op room, you were drinking a bottle of apple juice sitting on a male nurse's lap, seemingly so content with your dreamy eyes. He really was too old for you, Baby Girl. I cried when I saw you. I was so overcome with emotions too hard to describe. I took you in my arms, held you tight, and kissed your sweet forehead. We were discharged shortly afterward.


The car ride home was not so wonderful. We made it safely across the river and about fifteen minutes into the ride, your little stomach could no longer handle the after effects of the anesthesia and the pain reducer they gave you. You became very sick. Grandma was sitting in the back with you and did her best to clean you up and comfort you. Mommy had packed a thick towel knowing that you would most likely be sick in the car. Poor baby, you were very sick and very hungry. 


Mommy had to make an emergency visit to the chiropractor because I woke up and couldn't turn my head. It was a very bad morning for Mommy, but you were far more important than not being able to turn my head. Grandma and Daddy dropped me off so I could get better in order to take care of you for the rest of the day. By the time I got home, you were eating, playing, and having a grand old time with Grandma. My heart was overjoyed to know that you were feeling better.


Overall, Isabella, you did great. You were a real trooper, my brave little girl. You will do so much better with the tubes in your ears and Mommy and Daddy are excited to see what the effects will be.


Love,
Mommy

**Post Script: Mommy and Daddy are so pleased with the progress you have made!! You speak so much more in words we can actually understand. You seem to be so much happier because you aren't in pain and you can communicate so much better. I am excited to see how much more you progress as time goes on with tubes in your ears making everything sound more clear. ♥

My Brave Little Girl

Dear Isabella,

There comes a time in every little girl's life when they have to be brave and do what the doctors want. Today was the start of that journey. Today, we saw Dr. Handler. Mommy heard so many wonderful things about him. And with the trouble your ears have been causing lately, it was time to pay him a visit. It sure was an early morning. We kept you in your pajamas and drove into Philadelphia for our appointment. Luckily, you woke up before we arrived at CHOP's Wood Building. You ate some of your breakfast in the waiting area, but then the adventure started.

First, you met Nurse Peggy. She looked in your ears (and surprisingly, you let her look without ANY fighting!). Of course, your ears have fluid in them. Mommy is not surprised anymore with those words. When she tried to look in your throat, you sure gave her a hard time! But she got a good enough look to know that your tonsils and adenoids are fine and dandy. You were such a good and brave little girl for Nurse Peggy. She was so impressed with how well behaved you were for her at such a young age. 

Then, Dr. Handler came in. He checked out your ears again. You weren't so nice to him at first with your ears, but then you just relaxed and let him do his job. But, just like with Nurse Peggy, you didn't want him to look in your mouth. But he managed to get a good enough look to be happy with what he saw (Thankfully, he didn't comment on your bad breath). Sure enough, there is fluid in your ears. He suspected that it was causing you some temporary hearing deficiencies. Everything to you sounds like it does under water. Poor girl, you just can't seem to catch a break! He decided that the best decision for your ears is to have tubes put in. They are the tiniest little things, Izzy! He showed Daddy and me what they look like. They really are tiny. He says that once they are put in, your ears should be able to drain the fluid and you should be able to hear like a normal child does. He sure is impressed with how much you have seemed to pick up and say despite all the infections and constant fluid.

Dr. Handler sent us to visit the audiologist down the hallway. You really liked her. She was funny and got some giggles out of you. You were so brave sitting on Mommy's lap in the sound room. It was a strange room, I know. There were lots of things to stimulate your attention. You did as well as you were expected to do with all the fluid in your ears. You certainly didn't respond to the noises that were extremely soft. Your eyes didn't even acknowledge where the sound was coming from. Then, she put these neat headphones on your head (not your ears, though) and they tested how your inner ear reacted to sounds when the sound was able to bypass the fluid and you responded much better to all the sounds. So, this was our proof that the fluid is causing some hearing deficiencies. Mommy and Daddy don't want to do anything that would cause you pain, but these ear tubes will surely be a wonderful thing.

We scheduled your surgery for the 27th of this month. So, in less than four weeks, you will have a nice set of ear tubes and what Dr. Handler calls "Brand New Ears!" He says you will hear things you haven't really noticed before and we should notice remarkable development of your vocabulary. I know you are going to be scared on the 27th. Mommy would be lying if I said I wasn't going to be scared right along with you. But, I am going to wear my Big Girl panties that day and you are going to be my brave little girl. It's a quick surgery. In fact, it is the anesthesia that takes the longest to deal with. But I promise we will get through it. Daddy will make sure we are both brave that day. 

Right now, you are peacefully napping next to me on the couch, unscarred by your appointments today. It will all be a distant memory soon and you will only know that you feel better, walk better, talk better, and everything will sound better. Wait until you hear your Mom-Mom's singing with clear ears! You will be so excited. And wait until you hear Poppy's organ and Daddy's trumpet. Wait until you hear Grandma's voice and giggles. The excitement that awaits you when your ears are finally clear of all this fluid is huge!! Mommy can hardly wait. We have to be brave for one big day and then, the fun times can begin! Just wait and see. Remember, Mommy and Daddy are doing this for you because we love you and don't want to see you have any more ear infections. They are no good for you. They cause you pain and make you grumpy because your ears hurt. Mommy and Daddy want to see you healthy and happy without the ear troubles. That day is coming!

Love,
Mom

Get Ready for Possible Ear Tubes!

Dear Isabella,

My sweet bay girl, I hate that you are ailing with another ear infection. This is the 4th ear infection since Valentine's Day and I know it isn't easy for you. You are handling them with as much grace as a 20-month old beauty can, but I know it isn't easy! I wish I could just take them away, have them myself, or just make them disappear. It breaks my heart to constantly have to give you medicine just to make you feel better and make the infections go away. I know you have grown accustomed to it, almost like it's all a part of your daily routine. But my sweet baby, it shouldn't be that way. Mommy hates to see you in this boat.

We saw Dr. W yesterday and she was quite surprised to see you for another ear infection after seeing you a week ago for a check-up. Your ears were pretty good last week, but you were still on Augmentin. Dr. W giggled a little when you gave her some of your classic "mean girl" looks. She really was sorry that she had to look in your ears again, but it HAD to be done! As she nicely put it, you are on your way to buying yourself a brand new shiny set of ear tubes. Perhaps that's not the accessory you had in mind for your Little Diva fashionista self, but it really is the truth! You are headed that way!

On April 3rd, you have the joy of meeting Dr. H at CHOP's ENT office. Yes, he's the doctor with all the magic of making ears better. Right now, it's a waiting game to get you to that point. Your poor ears just won't give you a break and we just need to get to the 3rd and get you to that appointment. I'm sure Dr. H will want to put tubes in your ears, but we will see when we get to that day. 

In the meantime, did I tell you lately that you are just growing up too quickly? Time seems to be flying and my little baby who I once was able to cradle in my arm is the little girl you see when you model in front of the mirror. Your smile, your giggle, the things you do and say, you are so funny and adorable. But little baby you are not. A little girl, now that is what you are. Everyone told me time would just zip on by and although I knew they were right, I guess I had hoped they were wrong. There are many nights when I miss cradling you in my arms as you peacefully slept. I watch you fall asleep in your crib and I can't believe how big you are. Soon, you won't even be in a crib, you will be in a big girl bed. I may just cry that day. 

Life doesn't prepare mothers for how quickly their babies grow. But if I could keep you small forever, I don't think I would. There is a certain joy I get as I watch you explore new things and develop more of your true personality. You amaze me with how much you express, how much you know, and how much you can do. I love watching you grow taller and more beautiful. Every day, I find you to be more beautiful. I never dreamed of a daughter who could possibly be as beautiful and expressive as you. Your smile melts my heart and makes me smile, even when I am not feeling well. 

Speaking of not feeling well, I have to thank you for being a good little Mommy. A few weeks ago, Mommy and Daddy both came down with the stomach bug and you are such a good little Mommy. You took care of me. You gave me a pacifier and a blanket-buddy, just like I do for you when you are sick. That's not exactly how I would have taken care of myself, but I appreciate you doing what you know works for you. Some day (thirty years from now), you will make a good Mommy. But we have a LOOOOONNNNG time before we think about that. At least I know I can count on you when Mommy isn't feeling well. Your hugs and little ways of taking care of me sure do make me smile.

Well, my sweet girl, it is time to wrap up this letter. I promise to try to be better about writing to you. I haven't written a lot lately, but you certainly keep my very busy. I love you very much and I enjoy spending my evenings with you, playing with you and laughing with you. I'll write more again soon. Hugs!!

Love,
Mommy

19 Months Old Today

My Dearest Isabella,

Today, you are 19 months old. Yes, you are now older than a year and a half. I don't know where the time has gone. I am amazed by you each and every single day. The things you do, the words you say, the new expressions, the way you walk and play. Amazing. You are grown so much and developed so much. I'm afraid to sleep for fear that I will wake up and you'll be a kindergartener. That is how fast it seems like you are growing up. My precious and sweet little miracle baby, the one who weighed less than six and a half pounds, is now a twenty-some pound little girl who just melts my heart. That would be YOU! Yes, you were once my little peanut and now, you are just the sweetest little girl.

Tonight, I was rocking you for our short, daily snuggle before bed, and I got a little teary-eyed looking at you. I just cannot seem to wrap my mind around how big you are. You sing, talk, dance, and laugh all the time. I am so smitten with you. My nineteen months with you has taught me so much about you, what makes you smile, what makes you laugh. I enjoy watching you, playing with you, and singing with you.

This past weekend, your Great-Mom-Mom would have been 99 years old. She was something special. She wanted so much to have a great grandchild. She dreamed of you, desired you, and wanted nothing more than to spoil you. She would love every moment spent with you. I know you are everything she dreamed of and more. Your Mom-Mom always said that she wanted to be the same kind of Mom-Mom to you that her mom was to Aunt Dee Dee and your mom (me). I think she is doing an excellent job. She is everything a Mom-Mom should be. She sings to you, plays with you, laughs with you, and does everything my Mom-Mom did for me. Your Great Mom-Mom was someone so very special. I wish so often that she was hear to know you, see you, hold you. But you do have two wonderful grandmothers and that alone makes me smile.

My dearest daughter, I delight in your presence. You make me smile and laugh. On days where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, you are my sunshine that reminds me that if I look through the eyes of a child, there is always something in life to smile and sing about. You have taught me so much about how to look at each day, how to look at myself, and how to have more fun than anyone ever thought possible. You give Daddy and me such laughter. I love every moment we can spend with you.

People ask us if we are going to have any more kids. Daddy and I would love to have more kids, but for right now, for where we are in this moment in time, you are more than enough to fill our hearts and home with the joy of being a complete family. You are the daughter my heart always dreamed of. You are the daughter I went over two years trying to conceive. You are the daughter I almost gave up hope of conceiving. You are the daughter God chose for me. You are my blessing. Happy 19-month birthday (okay, so it isn't really a REAL birthday, but it counts for something! Enjoy life while you can still count it easily in months!)! Life has certainly never been the same since you, Isabella Joy, entered the world. You have forever changed our hearts and we wouldn't have it any other way. We love you so very much!

Love,
Mom

What is Love?

Dear Isabella,

Every night, as I rock you before bed, we pray together and I tell you that I love you. The thought occurred to me last night as I rocked you that you, in your still young mind, don't understand the full scope of what love is. So, I am going to attempt to paint for you a picture of love based on the experiences that you have had and know. There is no way to ever explain fully what love is, but I will do my best.

Love is battling infertility for over two years without turning back.
Love is carrying you for nine months, waiting for the day I would finally hold you.
Love is caring for your health, even before you were born.
Love is looking into the eyes of your newborn baby, getting teary-eyed, and then having butterflies in you stomach because life could not be better in that moment.
Love is holding your hand as you walk down the sidewalk.
Love is rocking you to sleep at night and cherishing the moments when we can cuddle.
Love is chasing you around the house while you giggle and run further away.
Love is getting up at all hours of the night to change your diaper, hold you, rock you, wipe your tears, and cuddle.
Love is wishing I could spend every moment with you, even when I have to go to work.
Love is that moment when you smile and me and my heart just melts.
Love is teaching you in the ways you should go.
Love is praying with you every night.
Love is praying FOR you every night.
Love is trading the morning news for a daily viewing of Sesame Street.
Love is sharing my bed with a squirmy toddler who wants to be wrapped up in Mommy's arms.
Love is carrying you around just because you want to be held by only Mommy.
Love is disciplining you and then giving you a hug.

Love is all of these things and so much more. Words cannot begin to truly define what love is. Only experiences can help you understand what love is. There are so many other experiences that could help you better understand what this "love" is that Mommy mentions every night and every morning. As you get older, you will better understand and I can add more experiences to help it make more sense for you. For now, I must go but remember, I love you forever. 

Love,

Mom

Mommy's Little Explorer

Dear Isabella,

It's been such a long while since I last wrote you a letter. Things have been hectic and busy with the school year being underway again. But since you are quietly napping comfortably in your pack n' play, I can have a few moments to write you a letter.

I am so exciting to watch all the things you are doing these days. You always amaze me. As I watch you grow, change, mature, and develop, my heart can barely contain all the emotions I have for you. When I see the love you already have for your Daddy and for me, it truly melts my heart. You are such a Daddy's girl and although a small part of me misses the way you always wanted and needed me, I love to watch you play with Daddy, chase him around, and call out his name when you aren't sure where he went. Your face just lights up when he enters the room or comes home from work. You love Daddy so much that you basically kick me out of the house every morning when I'm getting ready for work. As soon as you are in Daddy's arms and Mommy dares to kiss him or you goodbye, you push me away and wave bye-bye to me! How dare I get in the way of your time with Daddy...too cute! I love things like that!

You still cuddle and snuggle with me. That is something I am so grateful for. You don't want to snuggle and cuddle as much, since you're always on the go. But those times when you do want to snuggle and cuddle, like every morning when Mommy is catching up with friends online and you want to catch up with sitting in Mommy's arms...that's a moment I enjoy. I love rocking you to sleep every night. Yes, I know, you really ought to be putting yourself to sleep once I lay you down in your crib, but I wouldn't give up my bedtime nursing and rocking you to sleep for anything! It's just part of the bedtime routine we've established with you. 

Now, let's talk about this exploring business. I know you're off and running everywhere, but you need to start listening when we say " no" or even gently smack your hands after saying "no" more than twice. There are certain things that are almost like magnets. I think you must have a magnet in your body that attracts you to the printer, the telephone, the stairs, the dog's food, and anything in the kitchen. I know you like to explore, but you really can't be exploring the things that we've asked you to leave alone. It's just not nice. It's cute to watch you as you explore every nook and cranny of our house. 

Back to how Mommy feels about you. I am just so much in love with you. I used to wonder how anyone could say that they love their child more than they have ever loved anyone ever before. I love my Mom, I love your Daddy. I love your Poppy. They are so very important and special to me. I love them dearly. But you, you take a special place in my heart. I know you would have a special place in my heart, no matter how I came to have you and know you. But I waited so long for you that you are beyond special and beyond wanted. You are so loved that my brain can't even find the words to write that would express the amount of love in my heart for you. I waited so long for you to join my life and reshape my world. Now that you are here and have blessed me with your beauty and love, my life has never been the same. For over a year now, my heart has been overwhelmed with such love. 

I think you are waking up from your long, late afternoon nap. So for now, I'll wrap up this letter. Just remember that Mommy loves you beyond words. You are a blessing to all who know you. And for those who know the experiences I went through to be your Mommy, you are a blessing and very loved. 

Love,
Mom

Hurricane Irene

Dear Isabella,

Last night, you slept through your very first hurricane. It's rare that we actually get a hurricane up here in New Jersey, but we did! It was scary, I won't lie to you about it. Mommy didn't get much sleep last night. I may have slept for about 3 hours. But you? You slept on the air mattress in between Mommy and Daddy. I first had you in your Pack n Play, but when the tornado warnings started, I scooped you up and first went into the closet (we camped out in the basement for the night) and then took you behind the bar. 

Oh, honey, it was scary! I hope and pray that when you are a mom, you never have to fear a storm like that. There were so many tornado warnings in the area for three hours. We thankfully never got anything like that. The Lord protected us, for sure. It's been windy, and of course, it's been windy enough that a piece of siding fell from one of the homes in our unit, but we're still not sure if it's from our home or a neighbor's home. The trees are still standing (for now) and I'm praying that the Lord continues to protect us as we go through the rest of the day with the tail end of Irene the Beast. 

Mommy is so glad that you slept through the storm. You were restless at times, but Mommy wasn't asleep anyway, so it was okay last night. I can't even begin to tell you how it feels to hear the warning messages on the TV for a tornado, pray that you don't lose power, scoop a baby up, and go hide somewhere safe. I was very fearful of what Irene had to offer us, none of the things we would ever want. I never want you to experience a night with that many scary tornadoes touching down everywhere. I have never experienced that before last night, and I really would prefer to never experience that again.

This morning, the flooding is insane. They knew all along that the flooding would be the main problem. I am thankful that we got less rain that originally predicted, but it's not a whole lot less and many roads are flooded. Mom-Mom and Poppy still have electricity, but the basement has flooded. Aunt Peggy is by a river, but they did open the flood gates, so hopefully, the river will not rise above flood stage, since she chose to stay home. But only God knows what will happen!!

Oh, Isabella, I am just so glad we were able to buy a home that has been our safe place, our refuge. It has kept us safe thus far, God will continue to watch over us. Right now, you are sleeping on Daddy's chest and it's just a beautiful thing. It's a picture of peace after the storm. I love you very much!


Love,
Mom

A New Year of Adventures

Dear Isabella,

I find myself watching you in awe each day. I am just amazed at your curiosity. You are my little adventure seeker. You are always trying to discover what is new, what the room, the world has to offer you. You certainly are a joy to watch, as you amuse yourself with every new thing you find. 

In the past year, I have watched you go from this little baby who fit so nicely cradled into the crook of my elbow to a big girl who is almost walking on her own and sleeps on Mommy like a big girl would. I've watched you go from the little newborn nursling who would fall asleep at Mommy's breast to the toddler nursling who is so distracted by anything and everything that you need soft music and a soft blanket to really get a good feeding session going. I've watched you go from the little baby who would laugh and smile when Mommy laughed and smiled to the big girl who laughs at The Wonderpets and smiles when she finds a "lost" crunchy on the floor. I've watched you go from the baby who we could lay in her swing and let her sleep to the baby who wants to stand at the coffee table and walk around it to see what's good on the other side. So many changes! 

In one year's time, you have 6 teeth, long and tan legs, beautiful blue eyes than never did get darker, and a smile than can melt anyone's heart. You have learned to talk and you have your set vocabulary right now. It's always exciting to hear you say another new word. You have temper tantrums that could rival any two year old's tantrums. That could be bad news for later on down the road, but we'll get there when we get there. 

One year, 365 days, seems like a lifetime. Yet, your birthday came and went and you are no longer counting your age in months. 

You spent your birthday grumpy and clingy, but with getting over the ear infection, being on the Augmentin, and all the hustle and bustle around here, I don't blame you for the clingy nature. You're still a bit clingy, but not as much. It's nice when you give Mommy a break, even if it's just to write a quick letter on here to you and then go back to playing with you. Your birthday on Thursday was nice. Your Poppy made you a very nice cake (okay, it was for Mommy, too, since I didn't get a birthday cake from Mom-Mom and Poppy this year and he makes GREAT cakes!). You loved it so much that you stole a layer of it off of Mommy's plate and shoved it in your mouth! You really seemed to enjoy that cake. You got many nice presents on Thursday, and it was just a nice family time together.

We celebrated your birthday again on Saturday with a big party. You really are a special little girl and we are blessed to have so many friends who came out to share with us in such a special occasion. For as long as we waited for you to greet us in the world, it's exciting to watch you grow up. But you greeted all of your friends and family with your grumpiness. Yes, Queen Fussypants was in the house for the party. You refused to go to anyone else and you refused to eat your food in your high chair unless Mommy sat right next to you. Mommy couldn't even get the party prepped. I am so thankful for your Grandma, Auntie Olivia, Auntie Mandy (we also call her Aunt DeeDee), Mom-Mom, and Daddy. They did so much to get everything ready while Mommy held you so you could take a short nap. 

Your party was nice, you did eventually have a good time, even if you refused to let anyone else hold you. You looked adorable in your little tutu and I'm just so glad we were able to share with so many people.

Now, as you move on to your second year of life, I wonder what new adventures are in store for you! I'll be waiting and watching for all the exciting adventures to come!

Love,

Mommy

As You Turn One

My Dearest Isabella Joy,

Today, you turn 1. It's amazing to look at you today and realize how much you have grown and changed over the past year. Every milestone you reach and every new experience that delights you puts a smile on my face. I just love to watch you explore. There is so much for you to explore these days. You're intrigued by everything. Yet, just one short year ago, you were a beautiful, healthy, newborn baby asleep in my arms. A year has brought so much change, so many smiles, and so many tears (good and bad). 

You are getting over your 4th ear infection right now, just in time for your birthday. I know they make you miserable, but it's all part of this thing call "teething." You need those teeth, I promise you that it really won't be that bad. Once they are all in, you'll be able to eat so many wonderful things! You just have to suffer through the discomfort of those teeth coming through the gums and the ears that cause you great pains. Those ear infections? That would be a big source of the bad tears. You and Mommy both had a good cry on Sunday. You were feeling so miserable, with your fever and your hurting ears. And there was nothing Mommy could do to help you. Oh, I wanted to. It broke my heart to see you in pain. We both sat and sobbed together until the ear drops numbed the pain for you. Mommy NEVER likes to see you cry. Thankfully, the good doctors gave us some medicine to make your ear infection go away. So you're feeling all better already, just in time for all the birthday celebrations!

So, now that we have the small talk out of the way, let me tell you all about how you have made me feel this past year. There is nothing more joyous and amazing than holding your firstborn child in your arms for the very first time. I cried before I even held you. Since Mommy had to have surgery to have you, I didn't get to hold you right away. But Daddy did and he let me look at you and kiss your sweet face. I cried. Never before had my heart known such love. I didn't think it was possible to love something or someone so much. I had butterflies way down in my tummy and this sense of awe came over me. There you were, perfect, beautiful, mine. Yes, indeed, you were mine. Finally, my dream of becoming a mother had come true. Nothing prepares your heart for that moment. The emotions that fill you up are overwhelming. I'm teary eyed just writing to you about that moment. 

It's hard to believe that was one short year ago. A year seems like short time. Yet, in the past year, you have made me love you even more than I thought possible a year ago! My love for you grows each and every day. Just when I thought I couldn't love anymore, I love you even more! My heart melts when you look me in the eyes and say in your soft voice, "Mama, Mama." In the past year, you have made me feel like the mom I always wanted to be. We snuggle (though a lot less than we used to), we cuddle (again a LOT less than we used to), and we play together. Your love for me is evident and that alone makes my heart sing. There is nothing quite like a mom and there is a special kind of relationship between a mother and her daughter. We'll grow into all the good things (and the bad) that come from that relationship as you grow older. 

A year. Seems like such a short amount of time. Yet, in a year, you have gone from the fragile, tiny newborn in my arms to the rambunctious, adventurous one year old beauty you are today. All those milestones, all the changes, all the growing in just one short year. It's like a lifetime condensed into 365 days. In that span of time, my life has forever changed. Nothing, no part of me, will ever be the same. You make my life more joyous, you fill it with more laughter, and you make my heart smile more than I ever dreamed possible. I love you more than I ever did before. Happy Birthday, my sweet Isabella Joy!

Love,
Mom

Your First Year of Life

Dear Isabella,

It's been hectic around here as of late. I have not written you nearly as often as I should. And for that, I am sorry. But you keep me busy. You're crawling around everywhere and getting into a bit of trouble if I take my eyes off of you. So instead of writing you letters, I've been down on the floor playing with you. Right now, you are sound asleep on top of the first quilt Mommy ever made. You conked out early tonight, I didn't even have a chance to get you in your pajamas yet! 

I find myself getting a little teary-eyed as I think about the fact that we are planning your first birthday party. It's so hard for me to believe that a year ago (almost), I truly became a mom when they placed you in my arms and you looked up at me with your newborn eyes, taking in whatever you could see. You were so tiny, so fragile. You were everything I had ever dreamed of and more. You had ten perfect little fingers and ten perfect little toes. Your clear steely blue eyes were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen (well, maybe next to your daddy's brown eyes). You were so little in my arms and yet so perfect. And now, somehow, a year has flashed before my eyes and I am planning your first party. 

You amaze me with all the new things you can say and do. You constantly call out for Daddy. Of course, you also yell at him when you are in trouble or can't get your way. Your response when we say "no" is always "But DADADADADA...DADDY!!!!" It doesn't matter who says "no" to you. That is how you respond. You look straight at your Daddy with those sad little eyes. Let me tell you. Those sad little eyes don't work on your Daddy. Trust me. I know. But I love that you love your Daddy. He is one amazing man, that's for sure. You are one blessed little girl to have him in your life. He's a wonderful daddy. He takes great care of you and does a lot of things (like changing a diaper) that some dads refuse to do. He reads you bedtime stories, he sings to you, he gets on the floor and plays with you. You giggle at him so much. You are so smitten with your daddy. Of course, so am I, so I totally understand that. You have discovered your inner rooster, which is so amusing to me. After our most recent trip to see your Great Grandma an Great Grandpa in Kentucky, you came home crowing like the rooster. Too bad I can never seem to get it on video! You're on the go all the time, crawling everywhere. It's only a matter of time before you are walking. Hard to believe that my little baby is no longer little and no longer a baby. You have become a little girl in the blink of an eye.

I used to chuckle a little when people would always say to enjoy every moment of the first year because it will fly by. I thought "it's a whole year. How fast is a year really going to go?" Little did I know that it really would fly by. It's the most important year in your life, it's when you experience most of your firsts and thankfully, I haven't missed those. But this year has gone by so quickly.

So as your Daddy and I plan your first birthday party (which will be a wonderful celebration!), I just want you to know that I have cherished every moment of this first year. I wouldn't change a thing about it. I'm so blessed to have you as my baby girl. You melt my heart with your snuggles and your baby kisses. My life has been forever changed by your presence in it. I love you, Isabella Joy!


Love,
Mom

Closer To Walking

Dear Isabella,

You are growing up so quickly. There are days where I wish I could bottle up the first year and keep you in it forever. But I know I just can't do that. Like all good things (wine, cheese, babies), they get better with age. You are so different than you were a few months ago, but you are so amazing. Everything you do is exciting, adventurous, always changing. I love to watch you explore new things, discover your abilities, and venture into new activities. It's exciting as a mom to watch my baby grow up before my eyes. Every moment I get to spend with you is just amazing. I'm so thankful for the time I get to spend with you, especially now that summer is here. I get to spend every moment possible with you and I'm just thrilled about the chance to watch all the firsts you still have in store.

Speaking of firsts! You are closer and closer every day to walking on your own. You love to walk around the house, but you just can't do it on your own. You wait for Mommy or Daddy to take your hands so you can guide us where you want to go. It is always so exciting to watch where you guide us. It's only a matter of time before you take your first steps on your own. And then we better all watch out! You're going to be trouble on two feet! 

I just look forward to that day and although I want to keep you as my little baby forever, all things grow and change. That's part of what makes life so exciting. I'll be waiting for those changes as you grow!

Love,
Mom

A Mommy's Girl

Dear Isabella,

It is true, you are a Mommy's girl (at least for now). I was always a Mommy's girl myself. I loved to spend time with my mom more than anything else. I'm still a Mommy's girl and I'm almost 32 years old. You're never too old to be a Mommy's girl. I'm very smitten with you and I'm so glad you are smitten with me, too. There is nothing quite like your sweet cuddles, your baby kisses, and your smiles and laughs just for me. 

With that said, Izzy, it's time we had a chat. You have made yourself a little too in love with Mommy. You don't like to be held by many other people. You have separation anxiety when I leave to use the bathroom or get a shower. You don't like to fall asleep in my arms and then wake up and realize you are no longer in my arms. All these things lead to the royal diva's tantrum. Really, this needs to stop soon. I try to do nothing to encourage it, but it doesn't matter what I do or how many times we have a chat about it. You just don't listen, you just want Mommy! I'm glad to love me so much that only I can make all the tired tears go away and I'm the only one who can comfort you when someone looks at you wrong (yes, you can be very sensitive when you are sleepy!). But it's time to spread the wealth a little, give your Daddy some of this same love. 

Okay, my love, all teasing aside, you are such a joy to have. I never expected to be blessed with a baby as sweet, tender, and loving as you. You snuggle with me. You cuddle with me. You share baby kisses with me. You like to just hang on my arms or rest your head on my legs. You are already so loving and so devoted. There are no words to truly express how it feels to be your Mommy, to be needed, wanted, and loved by you. I wouldn't trade in the middle of the night feeding sessions, the rocking you to sleep, the cuddling/snuggling/hugging away the grumpiness. I love every moment. Ten months of those tender moments and yet, it feels like you've always been right here with me. I guess that's because you've always been in my heart.

Love,
Mom

Sunshine and Spring

Dear Isabella,

I have discovered (with some help from Mom-Mom) that you love the outdoors. I always knew you would be an outdoor baby. You just get so excited to be in your stroller and go on walks in the evening with Daddy, Angel, and me. Angel doesn't always like a tag-along when she's on a walk to take care of business, but she can get over it. You are just a little adventurer. There's something about the sunshine and spring flowers that catches your attention, gains giggles, and receives smiles. 

My darling, I love that you love being outside. I have a love of nature (not quite the same as your Aunt M. does). I just love to sit in the quietness and peacefulness of nature. Mom-Mom's house is perfect for that. You can watch the horses, sit on the swing (once it gets hung) with Mom-Mom and Poppy, go for a walk around the house or to the back field, and play in the dirt. Being outside is something you will love even more when you learn how to walk without my help. But for now, I enjoy watching you sit in the grass, so intrigued by what you see, the feeling of the grass, the flowers that surround you, and the sounds that you hear. I can only imagine how our spring and summer adventures will be for years to come!

Love,
Mom

The Night Before Mother's Day

Dear Isabella,

It's the evening before Mother's Day and I realized I haven't written a letter to you in a while. I must admit that you do keep me quite busy! But I wouldn't trade a moment of that time spent with you for some time to write a letter on a computer. No, my moments with you mean so much more than sitting here typing a letter. As I write you this letter, you are happily playing in your jumperoo watching Sprout. At least it keeps you entertained so I can have some Mommy time.

The past nine months have so quickly vanished and instead of a little baby who fits so snugly into the crook of my arm, you are a growing, budding little girl who calls out "Mama" and laughs at anything that is funny. I have watched you go from being just a mere dream, a thought of things to come, to a child in my arms in a hospital room-meeting for the first time, to a sweet little nine-month-old who has quite a sassy personality. It's been one exciting journey watching you grow so far. 

As Mother's Day approaches tomorrow, I wanted to thank you for loving me the way you do. For all those years that I dreamed of being a mom, and all the years I spent trying to reach that dream, having you, loving you, and cherishing our moments together makes this Mother's Day that much more special. Isabella, I had almost given up hope of us ever being together, of ever being a Mom. I had no idea what God had in store for me. I had no idea that His plan was to bring you into my life. I carried you for nine months and even that couldn't have prepared me for how much I love you, how much I adore you. You make the sun shine even brighter and you make the world that much sweeter. You make me so overjoyed to be a mom. 


Being your mom is the most amazing experience. I'll admit that you don't always make it an easy experience. These ear infections and colds have certainly tested my ability to get sleep when I'm worried about my baby. It's tested my willingness to get up all hours of the night to nurse and console my very upset little girl. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've learned a lot about myself as a mom through all of that. I've also learned a lot about your Mom-Mom and what she must have gone through as a young mom. I'll tell you a secret-I was the same as you with the ear infections! I never knew how your Mom-Mom did it, but I'm learning as we go that there is no secret to how to get through it all, you just do it! I'm a mom and my job is loving you, taking care of you, and making you happy!


So, as Mother's Day approaches, I wanted to thank you for being my child, for helping this journey as a Mom seem to amazing. It is a beautiful experience and I'm so blessed to be a Mother. I love you very much and I'm so blessed and thankful to be your mother.


Love,
Mom

A New House!

Dear Isabella,

This weekend, we moved into a beautiful new house. I can't wait to make new memories with you in this house! This house was chosen with you (and maybe a future sibling in a few years) in mind. I set your room up on move-in day, but we didn't get a chance to paint yet. We'll paint it over Easter break. I'm so excited to see you grow up in your room and really start to enjoy it. 

It was a busy weekend with all the moving. Everyone was so excited to see you here and enjoying the hustle and bustle. You got to play in the basement with your Poppy and get some good napping time in. It was fun all around for you!

I'm just so excited to be able to watch you grow in this home, to fill it with your laughter and smiles. It's going to see so many exciting things that you have yet to experience with us. A new house is more than just a building, it's a chance to make new memories, have new experiences, enjoy new adventures, and create many firsts. This is the home where you will have many of your firsts and I'm just so excited and looking forward to watching those firsts and enjoying you as you grow here. God has richly blessed us by giving us you and now we are richly blessed again with this house for you to enjoy.

Love,
Mommy

Last Week in This Home!

Dear Isabella,

This is your last week in the apartment you've known as home since before you were born. It's an exciting and a scary time. Packing is going slowly, but you sure do keep us from getting as much done as we could. It's an interesting time around here and you do a great job of keeping us laughing and trying to keep calm with all the nervous excitement.

It's a scary time because everything is all new. Mommy hasn't moved since Daddy and I moved into this apartment almost 7 years ago. It's not an easy thing to pack everything up. It's especially hard when all I want to do is play with you and keep you from getting upset. I'm sure you've noticed the boxes, but I'm thankful that you are so little still. You don't really understand what is going on. And that's a good thing. You just watch us hustle around trying to get things done and sometimes, you laugh at us because you think it's so funny.

This certainly is a very exciting thing, moving into a bigger home. You're almost guaranteed to have your own bedroom. You have your own bedroom now and certainly will at the new home, at least for now. But we'll see if that stays that way when Mommy and Daddy decide it's time for a bigger family. But you've got time to enjoy your new home and your new room without anyone bothering you.

Five more days, Isabella, and then we'll be moving all of our things into our new home. We can start a full life with a REAL home for you, our little princess. We want to give you every little thing we can. This is a big dream we had, to give our baby girl a nice, new, big home where you could dream, play, imagine, and create new things. I'm excited to see you grow up in it!

Love, 
Mommy

Approaching Seven Months

My Dearest Isabella, 


You are quickly approaching seven months. So much has changed and continues to change every single day. I'm just in awe of how God has created such a beautiful child and allowed me to raise her (you). I'm certainly blessed richly because I have you as a part of my life. I watch all the new things that you do, like play with my hair, reach for your Daddy to pick you up, giggle for minutes at a time, and stalk the dog. I am just amazed with all the changes that happen daily. My love for you grows stronger every single day. I never knew I could open my heart to love someone so deeply, so richly, and so unconditionally. You cry yet I never get mad at you for it. You get mad at something we do yet we just let you get mad and try to soothe you. 

Right now, you are fast asleep in your swing. You had your six month shots yesterday (yes, Daddy and I are a few weeks behind with your well baby checkups, but because of the shots, we can't make them an earlier than they end up being). You've been so sleepy from your shots. But I could watch you sleep all night. I love the peaceful look on your face and the way you can just lay there in the swing and not be disturbed by all the noises around. 

My cuddles and snuggles with you are getting even better than they ever were. I didn't think there could be anything better than holding a newborn. And then you were a month old and I didn't think it could get any better. But very month, all my experiences with you have surpassed any expectations or dreams I had. You are just amazing in every way! 

I can't wait to see what is in store in the months and years down the road. But for right now, I'll just watch you sleep, wonder what you're dreaming about, and love you in every way I know how.

Love,
Mom

Six Months Has Come Already!

Dear Isabella,

It's so hard to believe that six months has already come upon us. So much has changed and continues to change as time goes on. You are doing so many exciting things now. It still seems like mere hours ago that you entered my world, changed me forever. I don't remember life without you. It's as though you have always been with me, always been a part of me. I think in some ways, you always were a part of me. You were my dream, my wish, my prayer. And for six months now, you have been my answered prayer, my dream and wish come true! It's so hard to believe that you are already six months old. Time flies too quickly. There are days where I just wish I could stop time, soak in every moment, absorb it like a sponge. But time marches on and so does your growth. It's just amazing to watch you, to see all that you do that's new each day. 

Tonight, you're sleeping soundly in your big girl crib for the first time. Of course, Mommy is nervous about it and in some ways, sad. It means you're growing up already, growing up to the point of not needing to be in the same room as me all night long. You've been sleeping through the night since October, but in some ways, it feels like I'm not as needed as I was before. Not the truth, but it's just a Mommy moment. 

Well, my love, it seems I spoke too soon and you are now awake and nursing again. So I must go and start bedtime again with you.

Love,
Mom