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Dear Isabella,
There comes a time in every little girl's life when they have to be brave and do what the doctors want. Today was the start of that journey. Today, we saw Dr. Handler. Mommy heard so many wonderful things about him. And with the trouble your ears have been causing lately, it was time to pay him a visit. It sure was an early morning. We kept you in your pajamas and drove into Philadelphia for our appointment. Luckily, you woke up before we arrived at CHOP's Wood Building. You ate some of your breakfast in the waiting area, but then the adventure started.
First, you met Nurse Peggy. She looked in your ears (and surprisingly, you let her look without ANY fighting!). Of course, your ears have fluid in them. Mommy is not surprised anymore with those words. When she tried to look in your throat, you sure gave her a hard time! But she got a good enough look to know that your tonsils and adenoids are fine and dandy. You were such a good and brave little girl for Nurse Peggy. She was so impressed with how well behaved you were for her at such a young age.
Then, Dr. Handler came in. He checked out your ears again. You weren't so nice to him at first with your ears, but then you just relaxed and let him do his job. But, just like with Nurse Peggy, you didn't want him to look in your mouth. But he managed to get a good enough look to be happy with what he saw (Thankfully, he didn't comment on your bad breath). Sure enough, there is fluid in your ears. He suspected that it was causing you some temporary hearing deficiencies. Everything to you sounds like it does under water. Poor girl, you just can't seem to catch a break! He decided that the best decision for your ears is to have tubes put in. They are the tiniest little things, Izzy! He showed Daddy and me what they look like. They really are tiny. He says that once they are put in, your ears should be able to drain the fluid and you should be able to hear like a normal child does. He sure is impressed with how much you have seemed to pick up and say despite all the infections and constant fluid.
Dr. Handler sent us to visit the audiologist down the hallway. You really liked her. She was funny and got some giggles out of you. You were so brave sitting on Mommy's lap in the sound room. It was a strange room, I know. There were lots of things to stimulate your attention. You did as well as you were expected to do with all the fluid in your ears. You certainly didn't respond to the noises that were extremely soft. Your eyes didn't even acknowledge where the sound was coming from. Then, she put these neat headphones on your head (not your ears, though) and they tested how your inner ear reacted to sounds when the sound was able to bypass the fluid and you responded much better to all the sounds. So, this was our proof that the fluid is causing some hearing deficiencies. Mommy and Daddy don't want to do anything that would cause you pain, but these ear tubes will surely be a wonderful thing.
We scheduled your surgery for the 27th of this month. So, in less than four weeks, you will have a nice set of ear tubes and what Dr. Handler calls "Brand New Ears!" He says you will hear things you haven't really noticed before and we should notice remarkable development of your vocabulary. I know you are going to be scared on the 27th. Mommy would be lying if I said I wasn't going to be scared right along with you. But, I am going to wear my Big Girl panties that day and you are going to be my brave little girl. It's a quick surgery. In fact, it is the anesthesia that takes the longest to deal with. But I promise we will get through it. Daddy will make sure we are both brave that day.
Right now, you are peacefully napping next to me on the couch, unscarred by your appointments today. It will all be a distant memory soon and you will only know that you feel better, walk better, talk better, and everything will sound better. Wait until you hear your Mom-Mom's singing with clear ears! You will be so excited. And wait until you hear Poppy's organ and Daddy's trumpet. Wait until you hear Grandma's voice and giggles. The excitement that awaits you when your ears are finally clear of all this fluid is huge!! Mommy can hardly wait. We have to be brave for one big day and then, the fun times can begin! Just wait and see. Remember, Mommy and Daddy are doing this for you because we love you and don't want to see you have any more ear infections. They are no good for you. They cause you pain and make you grumpy because your ears hurt. Mommy and Daddy want to see you healthy and happy without the ear troubles. That day is coming!
Love,
Mom
Dear Isabella,
My sweet bay girl, I hate that you are ailing with another ear infection. This is the 4th ear infection since Valentine's Day and I know it isn't easy for you. You are handling them with as much grace as a 20-month old beauty can, but I know it isn't easy! I wish I could just take them away, have them myself, or just make them disappear. It breaks my heart to constantly have to give you medicine just to make you feel better and make the infections go away. I know you have grown accustomed to it, almost like it's all a part of your daily routine. But my sweet baby, it shouldn't be that way. Mommy hates to see you in this boat.
We saw Dr. W yesterday and she was quite surprised to see you for another ear infection after seeing you a week ago for a check-up. Your ears were pretty good last week, but you were still on Augmentin. Dr. W giggled a little when you gave her some of your classic "mean girl" looks. She really was sorry that she had to look in your ears again, but it HAD to be done! As she nicely put it, you are on your way to buying yourself a brand new shiny set of ear tubes. Perhaps that's not the accessory you had in mind for your Little Diva fashionista self, but it really is the truth! You are headed that way!
On April 3rd, you have the joy of meeting Dr. H at CHOP's ENT office. Yes, he's the doctor with all the magic of making ears better. Right now, it's a waiting game to get you to that point. Your poor ears just won't give you a break and we just need to get to the 3rd and get you to that appointment. I'm sure Dr. H will want to put tubes in your ears, but we will see when we get to that day.
In the meantime, did I tell you lately that you are just growing up too quickly? Time seems to be flying and my little baby who I once was able to cradle in my arm is the little girl you see when you model in front of the mirror. Your smile, your giggle, the things you do and say, you are so funny and adorable. But little baby you are not. A little girl, now that is what you are. Everyone told me time would just zip on by and although I knew they were right, I guess I had hoped they were wrong. There are many nights when I miss cradling you in my arms as you peacefully slept. I watch you fall asleep in your crib and I can't believe how big you are. Soon, you won't even be in a crib, you will be in a big girl bed. I may just cry that day.
Life doesn't prepare mothers for how quickly their babies grow. But if I could keep you small forever, I don't think I would. There is a certain joy I get as I watch you explore new things and develop more of your true personality. You amaze me with how much you express, how much you know, and how much you can do. I love watching you grow taller and more beautiful. Every day, I find you to be more beautiful. I never dreamed of a daughter who could possibly be as beautiful and expressive as you. Your smile melts my heart and makes me smile, even when I am not feeling well.
Speaking of not feeling well, I have to thank you for being a good little Mommy. A few weeks ago, Mommy and Daddy both came down with the stomach bug and you are such a good little Mommy. You took care of me. You gave me a pacifier and a blanket-buddy, just like I do for you when you are sick. That's not exactly how I would have taken care of myself, but I appreciate you doing what you know works for you. Some day (thirty years from now), you will make a good Mommy. But we have a LOOOOONNNNG time before we think about that. At least I know I can count on you when Mommy isn't feeling well. Your hugs and little ways of taking care of me sure do make me smile.
Well, my sweet girl, it is time to wrap up this letter. I promise to try to be better about writing to you. I haven't written a lot lately, but you certainly keep my very busy. I love you very much and I enjoy spending my evenings with you, playing with you and laughing with you. I'll write more again soon. Hugs!!
Love,
Mommy
My Dearest Isabella,
Today, you are 19 months old. Yes, you are now older than a year and a half. I don't know where the time has gone. I am amazed by you each and every single day. The things you do, the words you say, the new expressions, the way you walk and play. Amazing. You are grown so much and developed so much. I'm afraid to sleep for fear that I will wake up and you'll be a kindergartener. That is how fast it seems like you are growing up. My precious and sweet little miracle baby, the one who weighed less than six and a half pounds, is now a twenty-some pound little girl who just melts my heart. That would be YOU! Yes, you were once my little peanut and now, you are just the sweetest little girl.
Tonight, I was rocking you for our short, daily snuggle before bed, and I got a little teary-eyed looking at you. I just cannot seem to wrap my mind around how big you are. You sing, talk, dance, and laugh all the time. I am so smitten with you. My nineteen months with you has taught me so much about you, what makes you smile, what makes you laugh. I enjoy watching you, playing with you, and singing with you.
This past weekend, your Great-Mom-Mom would have been 99 years old. She was something special. She wanted so much to have a great grandchild. She dreamed of you, desired you, and wanted nothing more than to spoil you. She would love every moment spent with you. I know you are everything she dreamed of and more. Your Mom-Mom always said that she wanted to be the same kind of Mom-Mom to you that her mom was to Aunt Dee Dee and your mom (me). I think she is doing an excellent job. She is everything a Mom-Mom should be. She sings to you, plays with you, laughs with you, and does everything my Mom-Mom did for me. Your Great Mom-Mom was someone so very special. I wish so often that she was hear to know you, see you, hold you. But you do have two wonderful grandmothers and that alone makes me smile.
My dearest daughter, I delight in your presence. You make me smile and laugh. On days where I just want to curl up in a ball and cry, you are my sunshine that reminds me that if I look through the eyes of a child, there is always something in life to smile and sing about. You have taught me so much about how to look at each day, how to look at myself, and how to have more fun than anyone ever thought possible. You give Daddy and me such laughter. I love every moment we can spend with you.
People ask us if we are going to have any more kids. Daddy and I would love to have more kids, but for right now, for where we are in this moment in time, you are more than enough to fill our hearts and home with the joy of being a complete family. You are the daughter my heart always dreamed of. You are the daughter I went over two years trying to conceive. You are the daughter I almost gave up hope of conceiving. You are the daughter God chose for me. You are my blessing. Happy 19-month birthday (okay, so it isn't really a REAL birthday, but it counts for something! Enjoy life while you can still count it easily in months!)! Life has certainly never been the same since you, Isabella Joy, entered the world. You have forever changed our hearts and we wouldn't have it any other way. We love you so very much!
Love,
Mom
Dear Isabella,
Every night, as I rock you before bed, we pray together and I tell you that I love you. The thought occurred to me last night as I rocked you that you, in your still young mind, don't understand the full scope of what love is. So, I am going to attempt to paint for you a picture of love based on the experiences that you have had and know. There is no way to ever explain fully what love is, but I will do my best.
Love is battling infertility for over two years without turning back.
Love is carrying you for nine months, waiting for the day I would finally hold you.
Love is caring for your health, even before you were born.
Love is looking into the eyes of your newborn baby, getting teary-eyed, and then having butterflies in you stomach because life could not be better in that moment.
Love is holding your hand as you walk down the sidewalk.
Love is rocking you to sleep at night and cherishing the moments when we can cuddle.
Love is chasing you around the house while you giggle and run further away.
Love is getting up at all hours of the night to change your diaper, hold you, rock you, wipe your tears, and cuddle.
Love is wishing I could spend every moment with you, even when I have to go to work.
Love is that moment when you smile and me and my heart just melts.
Love is teaching you in the ways you should go.
Love is praying with you every night.
Love is praying FOR you every night.
Love is trading the morning news for a daily viewing of Sesame Street.
Love is sharing my bed with a squirmy toddler who wants to be wrapped up in Mommy's arms.
Love is carrying you around just because you want to be held by only Mommy.
Love is disciplining you and then giving you a hug.
Love is all of these things and so much more. Words cannot begin to truly define what love is. Only experiences can help you understand what love is. There are so many other experiences that could help you better understand what this "love" is that Mommy mentions every night and every morning. As you get older, you will better understand and I can add more experiences to help it make more sense for you. For now, I must go but remember, I love you forever.
Love,
Mom
Dear Isabella,
It's been such a long while since I last wrote you a letter. Things have been hectic and busy with the school year being underway again. But since you are quietly napping comfortably in your pack n' play, I can have a few moments to write you a letter.
I am so exciting to watch all the things you are doing these days. You always amaze me. As I watch you grow, change, mature, and develop, my heart can barely contain all the emotions I have for you. When I see the love you already have for your Daddy and for me, it truly melts my heart. You are such a Daddy's girl and although a small part of me misses the way you always wanted and needed me, I love to watch you play with Daddy, chase him around, and call out his name when you aren't sure where he went. Your face just lights up when he enters the room or comes home from work. You love Daddy so much that you basically kick me out of the house every morning when I'm getting ready for work. As soon as you are in Daddy's arms and Mommy dares to kiss him or you goodbye, you push me away and wave bye-bye to me! How dare I get in the way of your time with Daddy...too cute! I love things like that!
You still cuddle and snuggle with me. That is something I am so grateful for. You don't want to snuggle and cuddle as much, since you're always on the go. But those times when you do want to snuggle and cuddle, like every morning when Mommy is catching up with friends online and you want to catch up with sitting in Mommy's arms...that's a moment I enjoy. I love rocking you to sleep every night. Yes, I know, you really ought to be putting yourself to sleep once I lay you down in your crib, but I wouldn't give up my bedtime nursing and rocking you to sleep for anything! It's just part of the bedtime routine we've established with you.
Now, let's talk about this exploring business. I know you're off and running everywhere, but you need to start listening when we say " no" or even gently smack your hands after saying "no" more than twice. There are certain things that are almost like magnets. I think you must have a magnet in your body that attracts you to the printer, the telephone, the stairs, the dog's food, and anything in the kitchen. I know you like to explore, but you really can't be exploring the things that we've asked you to leave alone. It's just not nice. It's cute to watch you as you explore every nook and cranny of our house.
Back to how Mommy feels about you. I am just so much in love with you. I used to wonder how anyone could say that they love their child more than they have ever loved anyone ever before. I love my Mom, I love your Daddy. I love your Poppy. They are so very important and special to me. I love them dearly. But you, you take a special place in my heart. I know you would have a special place in my heart, no matter how I came to have you and know you. But I waited so long for you that you are beyond special and beyond wanted. You are so loved that my brain can't even find the words to write that would express the amount of love in my heart for you. I waited so long for you to join my life and reshape my world. Now that you are here and have blessed me with your beauty and love, my life has never been the same. For over a year now, my heart has been overwhelmed with such love.
I think you are waking up from your long, late afternoon nap. So for now, I'll wrap up this letter. Just remember that Mommy loves you beyond words. You are a blessing to all who know you. And for those who know the experiences I went through to be your Mommy, you are a blessing and very loved.
Love,
Mom
Dear Isabella,
Last night, you slept through your very first hurricane. It's rare that we actually get a hurricane up here in New Jersey, but we did! It was scary, I won't lie to you about it. Mommy didn't get much sleep last night. I may have slept for about 3 hours. But you? You slept on the air mattress in between Mommy and Daddy. I first had you in your Pack n Play, but when the tornado warnings started, I scooped you up and first went into the closet (we camped out in the basement for the night) and then took you behind the bar.
Oh, honey, it was scary! I hope and pray that when you are a mom, you never have to fear a storm like that. There were so many tornado warnings in the area for three hours. We thankfully never got anything like that. The Lord protected us, for sure. It's been windy, and of course, it's been windy enough that a piece of siding fell from one of the homes in our unit, but we're still not sure if it's from our home or a neighbor's home. The trees are still standing (for now) and I'm praying that the Lord continues to protect us as we go through the rest of the day with the tail end of Irene the Beast.
Mommy is so glad that you slept through the storm. You were restless at times, but Mommy wasn't asleep anyway, so it was okay last night. I can't even begin to tell you how it feels to hear the warning messages on the TV for a tornado, pray that you don't lose power, scoop a baby up, and go hide somewhere safe. I was very fearful of what Irene had to offer us, none of the things we would ever want. I never want you to experience a night with that many scary tornadoes touching down everywhere. I have never experienced that before last night, and I really would prefer to never experience that again.
This morning, the flooding is insane. They knew all along that the flooding would be the main problem. I am thankful that we got less rain that originally predicted, but it's not a whole lot less and many roads are flooded. Mom-Mom and Poppy still have electricity, but the basement has flooded. Aunt Peggy is by a river, but they did open the flood gates, so hopefully, the river will not rise above flood stage, since she chose to stay home. But only God knows what will happen!!
Oh, Isabella, I am just so glad we were able to buy a home that has been our safe place, our refuge. It has kept us safe thus far, God will continue to watch over us. Right now, you are sleeping on Daddy's chest and it's just a beautiful thing. It's a picture of peace after the storm. I love you very much!
Love,
Mom
Dear Isabella,
I find myself watching you in awe each day. I am just amazed at your curiosity. You are my little adventure seeker. You are always trying to discover what is new, what the room, the world has to offer you. You certainly are a joy to watch, as you amuse yourself with every new thing you find.
In the past year, I have watched you go from this little baby who fit so nicely cradled into the crook of my elbow to a big girl who is almost walking on her own and sleeps on Mommy like a big girl would. I've watched you go from the little newborn nursling who would fall asleep at Mommy's breast to the toddler nursling who is so distracted by anything and everything that you need soft music and a soft blanket to really get a good feeding session going. I've watched you go from the little baby who would laugh and smile when Mommy laughed and smiled to the big girl who laughs at The Wonderpets and smiles when she finds a "lost" crunchy on the floor. I've watched you go from the baby who we could lay in her swing and let her sleep to the baby who wants to stand at the coffee table and walk around it to see what's good on the other side. So many changes!
In one year's time, you have 6 teeth, long and tan legs, beautiful blue eyes than never did get darker, and a smile than can melt anyone's heart. You have learned to talk and you have your set vocabulary right now. It's always exciting to hear you say another new word. You have temper tantrums that could rival any two year old's tantrums. That could be bad news for later on down the road, but we'll get there when we get there.
One year, 365 days, seems like a lifetime. Yet, your birthday came and went and you are no longer counting your age in months.
You spent your birthday grumpy and clingy, but with getting over the ear infection, being on the Augmentin, and all the hustle and bustle around here, I don't blame you for the clingy nature. You're still a bit clingy, but not as much. It's nice when you give Mommy a break, even if it's just to write a quick letter on here to you and then go back to playing with you. Your birthday on Thursday was nice. Your Poppy made you a very nice cake (okay, it was for Mommy, too, since I didn't get a birthday cake from Mom-Mom and Poppy this year and he makes GREAT cakes!). You loved it so much that you stole a layer of it off of Mommy's plate and shoved it in your mouth! You really seemed to enjoy that cake. You got many nice presents on Thursday, and it was just a nice family time together.
We celebrated your birthday again on Saturday with a big party. You really are a special little girl and we are blessed to have so many friends who came out to share with us in such a special occasion. For as long as we waited for you to greet us in the world, it's exciting to watch you grow up. But you greeted all of your friends and family with your grumpiness. Yes, Queen Fussypants was in the house for the party. You refused to go to anyone else and you refused to eat your food in your high chair unless Mommy sat right next to you. Mommy couldn't even get the party prepped. I am so thankful for your Grandma, Auntie Olivia, Auntie Mandy (we also call her Aunt DeeDee), Mom-Mom, and Daddy. They did so much to get everything ready while Mommy held you so you could take a short nap.
Your party was nice, you did eventually have a good time, even if you refused to let anyone else hold you. You looked adorable in your little tutu and I'm just so glad we were able to share with so many people.
Now, as you move on to your second year of life, I wonder what new adventures are in store for you! I'll be waiting and watching for all the exciting adventures to come!
Love,
Mommy
