Friday, September 25, 2009

Baby Fever

My Dear Child,

My love for you grows every day. I can't wait for the day we finally meet! I'm wondering if I will find you this cycle. It was a relief last week to hear that I had three follicles that looked good. It's promising this cycle! But you are worth waiting for. I would wait for you for a lifetime if it meant we would finally meet and be together. 

I've dreamed of you for a long time. I've had baby fever since I got married. That was over six long years ago. Now, I sit here, still dreaming of the day where I get to hold your little hands and see your precious little smile.

Be patient, my love, as I'm trying to get to you as fast as I can. One of these days will be our day. We will one day finally get to see each other and experience the love I already have for you. I'm trying my best to get to you quickly. Maybe you will come from one of this cycles eggs. Here's to hoping.


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Still Climbing the Mountain

My Darling Babe,

I continue to think about you daily. Even though you are no more than a thought or beautiful dream, you already have my heart. The love I feel for you is unexplainable. It grows stronger each day.

Darling Babe, it is such a long journey to find you. I feel like I am climbing up a mountain and I can't seem to reach the top. Or I'm climbing across a rainbow to find you, my pot of gold. I'm trying to be patient as I wait for you, but with each passing day, I'm more antsy. It's such a tough journey!

Oh, Child, I cherish this time I can spend writing to you. I know that someday, you will read these letters and kn ow how much I have loved you from before your beginning. Oh, how I can't wait for that day! There are many such days that I can't wait for. I guess you could say that your Mommy is impatient. But I smile at the thought of watching you grow up and become a young person in a quickly changing world.

My Child, always know that the things in life that are most important are worth waiting for. You are worth waiting for. I have no idea how long I have to wait for you, but I've already waited for two long years. The longer I wait, the more I want to meet you.

I keep reminding myself that I'm not broken. I'm not perfect, my body isn't perfect. But I'm not broken, or at least not completely broken. You will come some time. Maybe this will be the month, who knows! But I know that you are worth waiting for. You will be perfect, a little miracle. I'm excited for the day we meet. I'm excited for the moment when I know you are there. I know that day is coming.

My Love, until that day comes, I will still pray for you and your future. You will continue to engrave your preciousness on my heart. You are cherished beyond words, even though you are yet to exist. Remember that you are loved!


Saturday, September 5, 2009

Isaiah 26:4

My Darling Child,

It seems yet again that this is not the month you will be introduced to life and breath. So you are still just a beautiful thought. I think about you every day and about my desire to finally know that you are more than just a thought.

Oh, my child, I never thought the journey would be so long and so hard. There have been so many storms to battle during this journey. I was listening to one of Casting Crown's songs on the radio today that reminded me of the perspective I need to have while waiting for you.

"And I'll praise you in this storm,
and I will lift my hands. For You are who You are, no matter where I am. And every tear I've cried, You hold in your hand. You never left my side. And though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm."

Oh, how I pray child, that you will have that perspective when you are an adult. Life is hard and things don't happen when we want or expect them to happen. Yet we praise God, for He has already gone before us and He knows our very future.

I can't deny that it is a difficult journey waiting for you. Nothing about it is easy. But oh, how it is worth it. My child, one day, we will finally meet. And some day far along the journey, I can tell you all the work it has been just to find you. I keep reminding myself that our day will come.

Oh, my charming Babe, I want to teach you so many things and raise you to serve a Living God. Our Savior is so gracious and loving. Even as I still walk through the storm of infertility, He is faithful and walks right beside me. He is preparing my heart for you. So many emotions go into Parenthood and God is still working on Mommy. I'm sure that when He feels my heart is ready, He'll finally let use meet. Oh, how I am so impatient for that day! I don't want to wait. I want that day now! Yet, it's not in my time but in God's time.

Until my next letter, know that you are a constant thought and I know deep down that our meeting day is coming closer.


Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Impatient and Waiting

My Dearest Child,

I thought of you again today. Another cycle is ending in a few days and I can't help but wonder if this is the cycle when you begin your journey. But then, I remind myself that only God knows the day you will take root. He has prepared a life for you. I wonder what it will be like.

I cannot wait much longer for you to plant roots in my womb. You know the saying, "Bloom where you are planted?" well, I'm hoping you'll do just that! I must admit that I'm afraid of your root not taking a strong enough hold to bloom. It's a legitimate fear, as it is common for women (like me) who need medicine to help them create babies.

But I'm sure, my child, that you will come in perfect time and you will be perfect in every way. Can you blame me in the meantime for being impatient? Every woman dreams of the day when babies come and we can raise our perfect little families.

Until then, Baby, I will try to be patient waiting for you.