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Dear Baby,
I never really expected our day to come. I've been so pessimistic about it that it just didn't seem possible. Well, my child, God is good. He has proven me wrong and blessed me with you! As of right now, you are merely a little tiny implanted bean. But you are there, and that's what is important. I've waited so long for the day we could meet in some way or another and that day is today!
Yesterday, my dear Aunt Flow didn't come to visit for the holiday. So rather than wait for her, I decided to check for you! And sure enough, there is was, blaring in front of me, a positive test, a representation of you. I didn't know how to react! For so long, it seemed that I was writing these letters to a child who would never enter life. But here you are, growing inside of me.
I had bloodwork today. The doctor confirmed that you, indeed, are here! Now, please, my baby, stick around! I want to get to know you so well. I can't wait for all the passing weeks, as I get to know you better!
Love,
Mom
Dear Baby,
Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Right now, I'm in the waiting window again, waiting to see if this is our time to meet. I refuse to give in to my impulses, I'll just wait as patiently as I can for you. One day, we will find each other, and it will be a blessed moment. But I wanted to tell you what I am thankful for, since you are part of that. So, my list of things to be thankful for while waiting for you.
1. I'm thankful for your dad. He's so patient with me. It's hard waiting for you, day after day, month after month, year after year. It's been a hard road. But he's been going through it, too. He's been waiting just as long to meet you. And we'll wait as long as we need to. You're going to love him, whenever you finally meet.
2. I'm thankful for your grandparents. My parents are waiting so patiently for you and your dad's mom is waiting, too. They have prayed over you, loved you, thought of you, and held you in their thoughts and dreams. Just think, you aren't even here yet, or at least not that I know of, and yet you are so loved, so wanted, so needed.
3. I'm thankful for the road I've been on. It's been a long journey, but it's taught me about what is important, how much it will mean to have you here, and how blessed I am to have the family I have. You have made this journey worth every tear, every road block, every fork in the road.
That's just a little bit of what I am thankful for. I can't wait to see if this is our month to meet. But even if it's not, I will still be waiting patiently, praying for you, loving you. One day, we will be together, we will meet, and you will see all the things I'm thankful for.
Love,
Mom
Dear Child,
I find myself distant from writing letters as of late. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the daily trips to the fertility specialist, the shots in the thigh, the bloodwork, and all the gritty details of a medicated cycle. It becomes routine, just another way to live life. Some days, it's easy to not think about writing anything. Some days I wonder if I'll ever have you in my arms to share these letters with. But I know that God has a plan and even though I can't see His plan, I know His mighty hand is at work.
I worry sometimes that we will never be able to meet. But there are many great people praying for you. Maybe one day soon you will no longer be just a mere thought. You'll actually be a reality. In the meantime, I'll get back in the habit of writing my letters to you. I never want you to wonder if you were loved, wanted, needed. You are what I spend my days trying to find. Your dad and I are trying everything we can, whatever the doctor recommends. You are the ultimate prize and we are determined to reach the finish line. It would help if I could just start running the race. Seems that I'm still getting everything in line, training for the marathon.
My child, I will find you. The time isn't right yet. Only God knows the time and day that we will finally meet. I'll continue to wait, though not so patiently anymore. Please wait for me to find you, I'm coming as fast as I can.
Love,
Mom
